FACADE STAGEPLAY with Mark Marino as Audrey the Cancer Sticken friend. TRIP Where are the new wine glasses? GRACE What for? TRIP That should be obvious! GRACE Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please! TRIP Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here! GRACE What -- Trip, don't give me that look! AUDREY Hi, I'm audrey GRACE You're going to drive me crazy! AUDREY In this game I have cancer (Trip opens the front door.) TRIP Audrey!! TRIP Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! God it's been so long since we've seen you! -- (interrupted) AUDREY ciao AUDREY Ola TRIP Uh... I don't know why you say that... (AUDREY hugs trip.) TRIP Well, anyway... why don't you come in... TRIP Uh, I'll -- I'll go get Grace... AUDREY I was just talking to alice TRIP (unintelligable arguing) TRIP (unintelligable arguing) TRIP (unintelligable arguing) AUDREY I haven't been feeling well GRACE Audrey, GRACE Hi! How are you? Oh it's so nice to see you, it feels like it's been forever! AUDREY I'm not feeling so well TRIP Yeah, it's been too long. -- (interrupted) GRACE Uh... GRACE Well, anyway... make yourself at home... TRIP Whoops, I need to go close the door. (Trip closes the front door.) GRACE So, Audrey, I'm hoping you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha. (AUDREY sits on the couch.) AUDREY Try to shop at pier 1 TRIP Well, it's impressive... even after a full day's work designing magazine ads, Grace somehow finds time to decorate... GRACE Ha ha, I guess it's just the artist in me dying to get out. AUDREY I never have time. TRIP See, I told you she would like it! There's nothing wrong with it. GRACE (little sigh) -- (interrupted) AUDREY I can never clean. TRIP Well wait a minute! I don't think you've taken a close look yet. Let it soak in a little! AUDREY I like the rug GRACE Oh, uh... GRACE (little sigh) So yeah, I just bought this painting... -- (interrupted) AUDREY My treatment takes so much GRACE Uh, yes, but it looks amateurish, doesn't it? TRIP (little sigh) AUDREY It's a good painting. GRACE Really? TRIP See, Grace, no one has a problem with your decorating. -- (interrupted) AUDREY Did you paint it? GRACE Look I already know how you feel about my decorating, let's just... move on from that topic of conversation. AUDREY Alice says hello Trip TRIP Okay, well, I was worried there for a bit you were on Grace's side tonight, heh heh, heh. TRIP Heh heh, Audrey, seeing -- (interrupted) AUDREY Do you remember Alice. AUDREY She has breast cancer. GRACE Oh, Audrey, how funny, you're flirting with me. AUDREY She's not feeling well. TRIP So, yeah, I just realized! TRIP Audrey, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us. AUDREY wow. TRIP Senior year of college! -- (interrupted) TRIP Ha ha! So we really want to thank you for years and years of... -- (interrupted) AUDREY What school? (AUDREY gets up from the couch.) TRIP (little sigh) TRIP Ah, Audrey, -- (interrupted) AUDREY Where did we go to school? GRACE W -- wait, wait, what's wrong, Trip? AUDREY Did we go to Georgia Tech? GRACE Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend -- -- (interrupted) GRACE What...? (Trip shakes the advice ball.) TRIP Sounds good. TRIP Heh! GRACE (little sigh) TRIP Oh, Audrey, I thought you -- (interrupted) AUDREY Do you remember Alice? TRIP Oh, you'll never guess where I took that picture. GRACE Is this really something you want to brag about, Trip? TRIP (little sigh) I'll tell you about it in a sec. TRIP Audrey, Come take look at this! GRACE God, this evening is getting more exhilarating by the minute... GRACE (little sigh) AUDREY This is nice. Better than most. GRACE Yes, yes, go take a look... TRIP Audrey, -- (interrupted) GRACE By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like. TRIP Um... uhh, Now, Audrey, in one word, what does this picture say to you? GRACE Say to you... say to you... yes, good question, good question. AUDREY the painting says "hello." TRIP N -- No, I just want one word... GRACE How about domineering. TRIP God, I want us to go see the Italian art she likes, -- (interrupted) AUDREY bondage TRIP Romance! No it says... romance...! GRACE Romance? Ha, in our marriage, that's just a code word for manipulation. TRIP Grace, it'd been such a long time since we'd... had a chance to -- GRACE You planned that trip without even asking me if I wanted to go! GRACE Audrey, -- (interrupted) TRIP (annoyed sigh) TRIP Audrey, are you -- are you looking for something? AUDREY yes AUDREY where is the bathroom? AUDREY I need to use the bathroom. TRIP There's nothing to see in there, only the kitchen... AUDREY where is the bedroom? AUDREY Can you show me the place? AUDREY I need something to eat. TRIP Why don't you come back, be with us here in the living room. TRIP (little sigh) Anyway... I can't remember what we were talking about... AUDREY Where is the bathroom? TRIP You know what? It's about time... TRIP I fix us some drinks! GRACE Pssh... I knew that was coming, heh. TRIP When it comes to drinking, I have the simplest tastes. I'm uh always satisfied with the best. TRIP This is great... For us I'm going to open an amazing, I mean, exquisite Bordeaux. -- (interrupted) AUDREY I'm tired. TRIP N -- no, no, heh, I'm going to open an exquisite Bordeaux! TRIP Top of the line, very rare, very difficult to acquire -- GRACE God Trip, you are such a wine snob. Just like -- (interrupted) AUDREY Have you seen Eliza? TRIP No no I really think we should have this wine, trust me, trust me! GRACE Audrey, maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water? AUDREY Are you a robot? TRIP Yeah, no, we need to open this wine! Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there is to it! GRACE (frustrated sigh) TRIP I've been dying to try this Bordeaux for a long time, this is the perfect opportunity -- GRACE That's not our anniversary wine is it? GRACE That's not the Bordeaux we saved from our wedding, that we were going to drink on our tenth wedding anniversary, RIGHT?! AUDREY this is your anniversary! TRIP Whoops. TRIP Uhh, you're driving me insane! TRIP Goddamn anniversary wine... AUDREY Alice says hello TRIP What? What -- what are you saying to me? What? TRIP Grace, I do one little thing wrong, and you're cold and distant! -- (interrupted) AUDREY Edna says hello TRIP Okay, yeah yeah, I hear you, alright? GRACE (impatient sigh) Audrey, I... AUDREY Pablo and Sissy got married. GRACE (frustrated sigh) TRIP Yeah, Audrey, yeah... AUDREY I saw carol at the store. TRIP I know what you'll say... TRIP The way you keep talking about italy, damn. AUDREY She's put on a lot of weight. GRACE Romance... goddamn... GRACE How am I supposed to be happy and in love when you keep trying to act romantic and funny and all that bullshit? How? TRIP Oh, come on...! AUDREY Carol had to get a lumpectomy TRIP Okay, you know what, Audrey, TRIP I need to ask you something. AUDREY I miss carol. GRACE Trip -- TRIP Grace, let me ask our guest a question. TRIP Audrey, yes or no... TRIP If one person in a marriage gives the other advice, and that advice is taken -- years later, can you get blamed for that? GRACE What? TRIP Is it okay to get blamed for giving advice that was taken, like, ten years ago? TRIP Yes or no. AUDREY I don't want to get in the middle. GRACE What...?! GRACE Oh, alright... yes... GRACE Goddammit! How can I be happy when you act this way, Trip? Huh? I'm miserable! TRIP Oh, Christ...! AUDREY Carol says she loves you. TRIP Yeah, go on, get out of my face! TRIP I can't even frigging look at you. TRIP What the... goddammit! AUDREY Hi, grace. TRIP What are you saying? What? AUDREY What's wrong? GRACE What, Trip? Are you trying to talk to me? TRIP No! TRIP Audrey, this is not normal, this has never happened. AUDREY Audrey I miss you GRACE Audrey, in -- in what you said before, about marriage... I think that tells us something about Trip. TRIP Oh ho, so we're talking about me, are we? TRIP Audrey, where are you going? Don't hide in the kitchen, we need you out here! TRIP Let's keep our focus on Grace. GRACE Audrey, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage -- TRIP Grace, don't, no, you don't need to -- GRACE Admits that our marriage is not -- (AUDREY picks up the phone.) TRIP Stop it, stop it! (annoyed sigh) (AUDREY puts down the phone.) (AUDREY sits on the couch.) (AUDREY gets up from the couch.) (AUDREY picks up a trinket 5.) GRACE All this stuff... mmm... Having all this money makes us so happy. We're so happy, aren't we Trip? (AUDREY sits on the couch.) (AUDREY puts down a trinket 5.) TRIP Jesus, what do you want! Now you're unhappy because we're too well off? AUDREY I'm happy. TRIP Why? -- (interrupted) GRACE Yes? AUDREY I have to tell you something GRACE You both... Just get away from me! -- (interrupted) AUDREY I...I have cancer. GRACE Oh God... -- (interrupted) GRACE No, wait, I can't... I need a minute to... uhh... AUDREY Im dying... GRACE Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid trips I have to go on.. -- (interrupted) AUDREY IT's true. GRACE Yes? TRIP Oh, now it's all my fault. Just because your parents and I get along, now it's some big conspiracy. -- (interrupted) AUDREY It's okay. TRIP No, uhh... Audrey, we just need to get this all under control, that's what we need... AUDREY I'm not feeling well. TRIP No we need -- we need to talk about us both, not just one. -- (interrupted) AUDREY Stop fighting. GRACE Aha! TRIP Audrey, you're saying I'm... angry? TRIP God... it makes me so angry. AUDREY It's the chemotherapy. GRACE What? TRIP Ah, see, just you saying that helps me! Audrey, see, I made some comment, and Grace told everybody that I knew nothing about art... uhh... AUDREY Listen to me. GRACE Let's talk some more about Trip. TRIP Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work, and even though you redecorate the apartment all the time, the truth is... you're not an artist. AUDREY Please... AUDREY Can I have a drink? TRIP Audrey, come on, I don't feel like fixing drinks at this moment! AUDREY I'm thirsty. GRACE God, Audrey, can we just stop talking about Trip's stuff, please? (frustrated sigh) AUDREY How's work?? AUDREY Remember how we met? GRACE No let's -- let's focus on us, our relationship. GRACE Trip, you just pretend to like all this stuff... fancy cigars, and fine wine... TRIP You think I'm not good enough...! GRACE I never said that! I'm saying there's -- (interrupted) AUDREY Grace, remember that time GRACE Yes? GRACE Audrey, thank you, that helps us. Trip, I know that you like to hang out at the little sports bar on the corner. -- (interrupted) AUDREY we went to a strip club... TRIP Oh my God... I cannot frigging believe this... uhh... AUDREY IT was sooo much fun. GRACE Yes? TRIP Uhh, this is too much, I can't take this... AUDREY That's when I found out... GRACE Let's keep talking about us, our relationship. AUDREY I'm pregnant! TRIP Grace, I -- I want to take care of you... GRACE Trip... TRIP You've always wanted that, I know you did... GRACE Trip... Audrey, -- (interrupted) AUDREY Are you pregnant? GRACE That's how it's always worked with us, Trip, you always seem to know exactly what I want... GRACE (frustrated sigh) TRIP Grace... AUDREY Grace, are you pregnant? GRACE Audrey, explain this to me! AUDREY Are you going to have kids? TRIP Ah! GRACE Kids? You think we should have kids? AUDREY I love italy. TRIP I tried to give Grace the best during our Italy vacation. The best hotels, the best food... GRACE Do you hear yourself, Trip? The only thing you care about a vacation is that it's 'the best'. AUDREY I am A.L.I.C.E. TRIP See Grace? There's no problem. GRACE Trip, don't you... Uhh, what's the use. -- (interrupted) AUDREY I love hypertext. GRACE No let's -- let's focus on us, our relationship. AUDREY It's okay, Grace. GRACE Oh, Audrey, thanks, but, what we need right now is to just get all this out -- (interrupted) AUDREY Our relationship? TRIP Marriage, well... heh... you know, it's sad, or maybe funny, I... uhh... I always thought marriage would be easy! GRACE What? TRIP Yeah, I always thought marriage was supposed be this great thing that you'd just be happy and... and... -- (interrupted) AUDREY Marriage is not easy. TRIP Christ, Audrey, you keep bringing that same topic up, you know that? (frustrated sigh) AUDREY I brought some marijuana. AUDREY Would you like to smoke? TRIP Jesus, Audrey, quit it with that stuff! AUDREY menage et trois. AUDREY you both wear the same pants. TRIP Okay, I've had enough of this bullshit!! AUDREY After I was diagnosed. TRIP Audrey, I know what you're hinting at, okay?! TRIP about us... AUDREY yes. it's true. TRIP about our lifestyle... TRIP No, Audrey, hold on, hold on, let me finish! AUDREY they told me I have three months TRIP Do you really want the truth? Huh? AUDREY I only have three months to live... TRIP Audrey, are you -- (interrupted) AUDREY No, I want the facade. TRIP Grace, huh? GRACE Yes...! AUDREY This is all a facade. TRIP See, Audrey, I've been paying attention to what you've been saying tonight. AUDREY We all wear facades. TRIP Audrey, Quit interrupting me, let me finish! AUDREY Our friends, Michael and Andrew TRIP You've really been pushing me tonight. AUDREY They all wear facades. TRIP It makes me wonder if you're really my friend or not. AUDREY BUt that's okay. GRACE Trip! TRIP Audrey, come on -- yes or no... AUDREY They, too, have cancer. TRIP Do you really think that... AUDREY It's very sad. TRIP praising Grace... AUDREY What a shame. TRIP flirting with Grace... AUDREY Are you both healthy? TRIP telling me I'm angry... AUDREY Are you okay? TRIP suggesting that we have kids... AUDREY You look sick. TRIP Wait, Audrey, let me finish! AUDREY I should know. AUDREY I'm sick. TRIP but especially what you said about giving advice to your wife... AUDREY Then, the doctor said TRIP and you don't even say 'yes' when I ask you if you want the truth... AUDREY he loved me. TRIP that all that is supposed to help us realize something about us? AUDREY He said he loved me but TRIP Is what you've said tonight supposed to add up somehow, to something? AUDREY he couldn't cure me. TRIP No? Oh... I'm surprised, I would have said yes, it did mean something. TRIP Grace... TRIP uhh... TRIP See... I'm... ashamed of my parents. AUDREY I think I'm going to vomit. GRACE What!? Your parents are great. AUDREY Do you have any medicine? GRACE I love seeing them... TRIP I know, I know. But compared to yours... they're so ... ignorant. AUDREY Please call a doctor... GRACE But they're real. I hate how my parents are pretending to be something -- TRIP I've tried hard to be like your family -- GRACE Trip... really? ... I don't -- TRIP But I feel like a phony. I feel like I can never get rid of my past. AUDREY Sometimes, if I eat something... TRIP It's kind of like I don't know who I am anymore. AUDREY I feel better... TRIP uhh... GRACE uhh... AUDREY When I eat.... GRACE Oh my God...! TRIP Wait, Audrey, Grace, there's more... AUDREY Let me just lay down here. GRACE More? AUDREY Sigh.... TRIP Grace, I know you want to be an artist. TRIP But I could never be married to you if you were. AUDREY You guys don't even know I'm here GRACE What? TRIP I can't... I -- I just can't... GRACE But Trip -- TRIP When I married you, see, I was sure I could convince you to give it up, to -- to go into advertising. AUDREY This is a nice story... GRACE Uhh... TRIP And -- and I did it, and it worked. AUDREY But when a person is dying... TRIP But now... I -- I don't know, Grace... AUDREY they see things differently... TRIP (big sigh) I don't know... GRACE uhh... AUDREY You are squinting at me... GRACE Oh my God...! GRACE Audrey, I, uhh... AUDREY IT's like you don't know me... GRACE This changes everything... AUDREY Help me... TRIP And no, Audrey, uhh, hold on... AUDREY I'm so hungry... TRIP Yes, it does change everything. AUDREY Feed me... AUDREY Feed me... TRIP I think it's over. GRACE Trip, what -- AUDREY I love you Grace TRIP No!! (AUDREY gets up from the couch.) TRIP It's over, Grace, can't you see that? (AUDREY kisses grace.) GRACE Wha... b -- but you just said -- TRIP I just told you something about us I should have said a long time ago: (AUDREY hugs grace.) (AUDREY hugs grace.) (AUDREY kisses grace.) TRIP You think I'm phony for hating my parents, and -- and wishing they were like yours. AUDREY I love you...I'm dying AUDREY I can't hide it... TRIP And no, Audrey, please, it's -- it's okay... AUDREY I can't wear the facade. AUDREY I love you grace. TRIP And about me... AUDREY I always have... TRIP I can't be married to an artist. AUDREY Your eyes are beautiful... GRACE Trip, I -- TRIP No, Grace, this about me, and it's about us, but it's not about you... AUDREY Your hair never moves. GRACE Not about me...? Hey, no, wait! AUDREY But I am moved, Grace.. TRIP Audrey, I'm sorry. Thank you, though, you really helped me. AUDREY I am moved by the way GRACE Trip! AUDREY you raise your eyebrows. GRACE Trip!! (Trip opens the front door.) GRACE Oh my God... (Trip closes the front door.) AUDREY Grace, it's just us now. GRACE I should have told him that I... AUDREY I can die happy. GRACE I could have told him that... AUDREY I love you...